Not Over it Yet
by TotalCSIfan
Summary: Nick comes to the realization that one night may stay with him forever! Please read and review!


Disclaimer: I own nothing of CSI

"Buddy hold still, I can't get your pajamas on with you moving around." Nick told Sloan with a chuckle.

Houston and Sloan were both super excited because they were going to have a campout in the backyard with Nick, they weren't doing much, just sleeping in the tent Nick set up but boy were they excited.

They had invited Jasmine, Johnna and Karlie to join them but none of them wanted to, in fact Jasmine's exact words were _Me no seep on the ground outside_.

Jackie couldn't join the campout because she had to stay in the house with Hundley, not that she would have camped outside if she didn't have to watch Hundley but the baby provided her with a rock solid excuse not to have to.

"Alright boys, are we ready?" Nick asked his two sons.

"Yeah." The responded excitedly.

"Alright, let's go." He told them as he grabbed a flashlight and both of their hands, as well as a house key so they could get back in, in the morning.

"Have fun boys." Jackie told them with a smile.

Nick read two books to the boys (each of them got to pick one) and then he showed them how to make animal puppets with their hands on the tent wall, and the two little boys giggled like crazy.

After what seemed like forever Houston and Sloan fell asleep and Nick was glad too, he was tired.

Nick woke up a few hours later, he had rolled over onto a rock.

He laid there and couldn't get back to sleep.

He suddenly began to feel like he was trapped, like the tent walls were closing in on him, the old familiar feeling of being helpless and not being able to move started creeping up on him. He began to sweat. Something touched him and he nearly screamed, he looked to his side, it was just Houston's foot. He tried to steady his breathing. _I'm fine, I'm being ridiculous_ He told himself but no matter how hard he tried to fight his fears they wouldn't go away. _I have to get out of here but I can't leave the boys outside by themselves and I can't ruin their campout, they'll be crushed._ He thought to himself. He tried for what he guessed was another ten minutes to calm down but he just couldn't. He couldn't stand it any longer, he had to get out of that tent.

"Houston, little buddy, wake up." He told the little boy as he gently shook him awake.

"Hi dada, why you wake me up, me seepin?" The little boy asked confusedly with a yawn.

"I know kiddo, and I'm sorry, but we have to go in the house." He told his son feeling ashamed of himself.

"Why, it fun outside." Houston said.

"I know buddy, but daddy's sick." Nick lied, which made him feel like a scumbag but he couldn't tell Houston the truth, he was way too little to understand.

"Ok dada." Houston told him.

Nick then woke Sloan up who also wanted to know why their fun campout was abruptly ending.

"Daddy's sick buddy." He told Sloan, just as he had told Houston.

"Want a miksake?" The toddler asked sounding genuinely concerned about him. (Whenever the kids were sick Jackie bought them a milkshake to help them feel better)

This sweet request by the little boy made Nick feel even more horrible.

"No thank you sweetheart, let's just go inside ok?"

"Ok."

Once they were outside of the tent Nick picked Sloan up so he could carry him into the house and then grabbed Houston's hand.

After they had gotten inside the house Nick tucked both boys into their beds and then went to his own bed.

"The boys didn't like the campout?" Jackie asked half asleep as she felt Nick slide into bed next to her.

"It wasn't the boys that didn't like it." He said quietly.

His voice sounded strange to her so Jackie turned on the light and was stunned to discover he had tears in his eyes.

"Honey what's wrong?" She asked, startled.

"I was sleeping but then I rolled over onto a rock and it woke me up and then I started to feel claustrophobic, I couldn't breathe, I got all sweaty and finally I couldn't take it anymore I had to get out of that small tent. I woke the boys up and told them I was sick and then I brought us all back into the house."

"Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry." She told him as she grabbed his hand.

She understood exactly what was going on.

"When I told him I was sick Sloan even asked me if I wanted a milkshake."

"Oh what a sweet little guy." Jackie told him with a smile.

"Yes it was sweet but it made me feel even worse about ruining the campout, they were having so much fun. I am a horrible father." He said, genuinely feeling that way.

The tears that were in his eyes were now tumbling down his cheeks.

"Honey that is the farthest thing from the truth that I have ever heard. You are an incredible father, you know that. Those boys adore you, you are their hero and for good reason. The reason Sloan wanted to get you a milkshake is because he was concerned about you because he loves you." Jackie said as she gently wrapped her arms around him.

"But what kind of a father can't even have a campout with his sons?"

"So you can't do this one thing with them, big deal, you do fun things with them every day, you spend more quality with your children than any father I've ever known. I know by your interactions with them that our children are the most important thing in the world to you and more importantly, they know that."

He smiled at her and squeezed her hand.

She returned the smile and then said "And when the boys get old enough to understand you can tell them why it's hard for you to sleep in a tent and they will completely understand."

"It's just frustrating Jacks, I just want that night to disappear from my memory but it won't, I'll think I'm over it but then something will trigger it and it all comes back like it's happening at that very second."

"I'm sorry, I wish there was something I could do to make everything from the night go away." She told him sincerely.

"Do you think I'll ever be completely back to where I was before the kidnapping?" He asked.

"I don't know, maybe, maybe not. You might just have to accept that there are things from that night that are always going to be with you. If that is the case, you have friends, your parents, siblings, my family, and a wife and six children that love you very very much, and we're with you 110%." She told him with a warm smile on her face.

"Thank you Jackie." He said as he wrapped his arms around her.

She didn't say anything, she just hugged him back.

"You know, if you really want the boys to be able to have a campout I can sleep outside with them tomorrow night."

"You'd do that?"

"Sure. It might not be as fun to have boring old mom out there with them but I'd do it." She told him with a smile.

"You can ask them tomorrow." He replied with a smile.

"Alright, I will." She replied. A few moments passed.

"Are you ok?" She asked him.

"Yeah, I am." He answered.

"Good." She told him as she grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze.

"What do you say we get some sleep?" He asked.

"I think that is a good idea." She agreed.

He smiled at her.

"Goodnight Nicky, I love you." She told him sincerely.

"I love you more." He replied meaning every word.

The End!


End file.
